In view of some things that have happened recently, I needed to share these thoughts. The confusion between sexuality and gender identity can be very dangerous things.
Sexuality and gender identity are very different things. Now I am well aware that many transgendered people report a significant improvement in their life if they transition, however, it is not always the case. I have been surprised at the number of cases where individuals have gone through gender transition only to revert back to their birth gender, or to adopt a role outside the gender binary.
For a majority of people, they have no issue with their gender or their sexuality. For most people, gender is something they rarely even consider. It just is. They adopt a gender role and presentation in accordance with their sex. Further, they adopt the sexuality considered most socially acceptable: heterosexual. The majority of people are highly content with their assignment in the gender binary and with the idea of only having sexual relationships with those of the opposite gender.
But things do not always go right.
What happens when you start finding someone of the same gender attractive? How easy is it to accept that love?
Embracing a sexuality that is considered outside of the normal can be difficult. Society prepares us for the concept of a relationship consisting of a man and a woman. Everywhere you look, this is the pattern. I had to take task with the headmaster at a local school over the lack of single parent knowledge, let alone same sex parenting! From their earliest days, children are taught that normality is a mother, father and generally 2 children. The media streams the concept of heterosexuality continuously. Now, as the majority of people are heterosexual, perhaps there should be more images of heterosexuality, but why not present positive images of loving relationships that are free from gender constraints?
Is it any wonder that we grow up believing that the only acceptable relationships are between one man and one woman?
That leads me to a story of one woman who grew up in a very homophobic family. The story is not pleasant as a lack of acceptance of her sexuality led to permanent damage to her body. As she reached puberty, she began to realise that she had an attraction to women. But her socialisation had taught her that love is between a man and a woman. This cannot be right: one woman loving another? The tension created between her feelings and her socialisation made her acceptance of being lesbian a real issue.
The tension caused massive internal turmoil: “a relationship is between a man and a woman and I love a woman”. Reconciling that problem can prove difficult. Most of us today see the solution as simple: she is lesbian. It seems straight forward enough. However, when you are attracted to women and you are told that a relationship is between a man and a woman, not between two women, then if you cannot reject that view of relationships, then you have the choice of ignoring your true feelings, or questioning your gender.
She did try overcoming her sexuality hang-ups and even entered a full blown relationship with another woman. That relationship proved a disaster and, once again, she ascribed it to her sexuality being wrong. Of course, her subsequent relationship with a man was doomed to failure, despite her trying her hardest to be a “proper wife”.
In total despair, failed relationships with both women and men, knowing her attraction to women and believing that relationships should be between a man and a woman, she started questioning what was wrong with her. She had rejected the traditional female gender role and appearance in her teens. She even took pride in being identified as male on occasion. Mixing in a world with some more unusual people led her to a chance contact with a man, who had transitioned after being assigned female at birth. Finally, an answer. It solved everything. As a man, it was right for her to fancy women. Her appearance needed almost no work to allow her to be accepted as a man.
Now gender reassignment for female to male patients is undoubtedly a little more complex than for male to female patients, although, conversely, the hormone situation is simpler. Getting on a treatment programme was a real issue. Fighting through GPs, psychiatrists and gender specialists. Of course, her appearance, her mannerisms and her intelligence were no match for these specialists, who, to be quite frank, are a little needy in terms of understanding their patients. After 6 months of fighting, the first medical elements of her transition started with testosterone injections. The testosterone had an effect both in terms of changes to her body and to her mind. And it was these changes to her mind that made her realise that it was a mistake and she re-transitioned. From female to male and then back to female.
She had confused her gender identity with her sexuality, simply because of her socialisation and, in the process, did irreparable damage to her body.
She has since rebuilt her life as a woman and has overcome her sexuality issues.
Note, the above is a brief summary. There are other factors which affected her life, but do not add to the account given.
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